spicy porkA guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh I really liked it" she said, "especially those tight pants and those big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents!"
Dumbfounded her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the Quarter back!' I'm like.....Helllloooooooooo...It's only 25 cents!!!!
This sign was made by that same blonde 
You've decided to take the plunge. You're going to become . . . a super-hero! Congratulations, but have you worked out the details? What will you call yourself? What weapon will you use in your fight against crime? What kind of transportation will you have? How will you get your powers? Who will your enemy be? What team will you be a part of? Well, stop worrying! All the answers are right here. http://home.hiwaay.net/~lkseitz/comics/herogen/ Let Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator set you on the right track. Simply answer the questions on the form below and keep at it until you find the perfect name for yourself, your team, or your foe(s). Good luck, hero!
Reply and let me know what your hero name is!
They then talked about how it is not politically correct to say "Merry Christmas" to people any more, but rather the correct thing to do is to say, "Happy Holidays". so, at stores staff are being trained to say Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas.
I think I would agree that we should not say Merry Christmas or call Christmas trees Christmas trees, but not for the sake of being politically correct, but rather just to clarify things. What is the holiday really about? Well it is about shopping, about stores being open late, about getting the best sales so that you can buy gifts for people - not because you want to, but because that is what you have to do, because that's what you are made to feel like you have to do because everyone else is doing it. The season is about people over spending, over eating and about selfishness. (according to the 'world' that is) So, why not just call it what it is? Perhaps you could say, "Happy Maxing out the credit card season!", or "Merry Glutonous season!", or something along that line.
As for Christians, our focus should be on Christ, since it is His birthday we're celebrating. So instead of falling into the political correctness crap - why not just say, "Merry Jesus' birthday and a happy new year!"
Forget about the scrambling to get other people gifts and promoting the commercialism of the season and instead see what you can do that would bring glory to God over the next month or so.
Ok...here's a real life story.
When my wife was younger she was a lifeguard. One time she was in training to teach a swim class. Her instructor was a fairly large woman. The group of kids were 4 years old. The heavy instructor sank to the bottom of the pool while my wife floated on top. When the instructor came back up to the top she took that moment as a teaching moment and asked the kids why she sunk to the bottom and why Kelly stayed at the top. One child raised his hand and said, "Because you're fat and Kelly's not!"
Kids sure say the darndest things
Anyone else have any funny kid stories?
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its
throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not
swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
2. A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, thegirl:
replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette
head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some
of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, She's dead. "
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood
on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red
in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile
of apples.
The nuns made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching
the apples.
